Seven seems to be a profound number for me.  Not certain of the why but am certain of its weight in my psyche.
In a few days, my girl, my brilliantly illuminated daughter,  will have been gone 7 years.


She walked with others, quietly listening.  She dressed the room with effortless grace.
Her spirit sang across the room, the car, the stage, a field...and always with perfect cadence.

Never too loud, sometimes so quiet that if you weren't attentive you'd miss what might
Be your time to laugh, to be loved, to be touched or moved with her bright
smile touching your face.


And, oh, that face. Beauty...that only comes from within met her beautiful face.  Beauty throughout and within gave her such depth.  Impossible to define or explain.

Sweet little girl of mine...Mom misses you.

the brown better

The ground's no longer brown
It's covered with green
When we laid you there
All was ugly and mean

Months passed us by
Yet time didn't matter
Leaving you alone
Left my heart shattered

Now it still isn't easy
And will never
But, grass knows how gently
To make the brown better

I Have a God

I Have a God...Still....after 25 years

This song was written in the summer of 1988.  Rev. Rex Johnson had visited The Pentecostal Church of DeQuincy and preached a sermon by this title.  I was inspired and wrote the lyrics quickly late one night soon after.  They came with no struggle or forethought.  The melody was just as instantaneous.  The inspiration which they gave to me and all those who heard is still a marvel to me.  I am still grateful that I was able to be the pen and voice to birth the song.

I'd like to say thank you to my Pastor G. David Hennigan who encouraged and motivated me to write and use my songs.  And, to my father, Mac Lyle, who also encouraged and got us moving along to record.  The band members were gifted to follow the style and musical direction of the melody and lyrics.  Jeff Hennigan, Terrell Hollingsworth, Derrell Dykes, and Brent Cole.  #RIPBrentCole  The best player.  Period.

Many who knew it still ask for me to share it.  I've uploaded it  https://youtu.be/M4In6RhsTVo

Here are the lyrics

I have a God

v 1
When he went back to prepare for us a place
He sent the comforter to fill up all that empty space
Down in the soul of man and give him living water too
He'll be the light in the darkness shining down on you
I have a God

ch
I have a God that with His angels watches over me
I have a God who puts my enemies beneath my feet
I have a God for when I'm sick or when I'm feeling well
I have a God I have a God and my God can not fail
I have a God

v 2
So, if you're down or if you're low or if you are in need
If you'll look up and past your troubles, you will clear see
My heavenly Father with His angels looking down on you
I have a God I have a God and he will see you through
I have a God

across the gurney in the ER with her hands grasping fragments of her broken heart as shattered shards of glass all across the room.

glass bowl full

virus, throwing up constantly.....then less....but nauseated and must find a way to let it go

Packing a 10 pound bag of rocks for the remainder of my days....shifting it constantly....so I don't ever over tax one particular part of my body

Tonight, I look back at my path since the day that Megan passed through that boundary of darkness into bright light.  There are other significant days in my life.  Many more.  But, each of those is hard to see because I moved to a different path on that day.

I've so many word pictures, examples, and analogies to help someone have a wee bit of insight into the grieving parent's heart.  Putting those into print would be of aid to some other poor soul so perhaps one day soon I will do that.

For now, let me be grateful for the moments of sanity which I've been granted in my days.  I could not imagine my ever having the strength to grasp sanity.  That is fair.  I don't think I did grasp it.  I believe my Father grasped it.  He grasps me firmly by the hand.  He carries me.  He holds me.  He is my sanity.  Thank you, Father.

As I write this, my eyes want to close and my head to bow.  I'd rather sleep than face this.  My brain still reminds me of a gum ball machine's globe filled with big gum balls.  And someone comes through and drops in gravel.  Then, sand.  And, finally, water.  There is no room left for cognition of pain and survival.  But, I have to try.  And, I need to let the extra junk in my brain fall away as time will allow.

Heaven tones....

God gave me songs for a season in my life...They blessed others. And I still hear that people listen to them.

I believe that the ultimate reason was for me to comfort myself.   I need to sing I have a God and Jesus is Still My Shepherd.  Hold Me.

My song has been quiet for the past years of pain.  If He wills, I'm open to write the words.  And, it will be Him because my brain can't open to think of any.  It will be heart music.  And, I believe some heaven tones....

I had a talk with myself this morning.  I have had trauma to my soul and heart which directly affects my brain capacity to handle stress and anxiety.

I will not stay under tho.  Due to....I've made it this far so I've proven I will survive; God has my back; God has precious friends in my life; God has my wonderful Pastor in my life; God has my Son, D-L, and Brooks in my life.