Making Sunshine

My most favorite motivating song as of late is "I Make My Own Sunshine.  It is by Alyssa Bonagura and she reminds me infinitely of Megan's singing and outlook.  The lyrics are so profoundly like my daughter.

Today, I stopped by Wal Mart to buy a hula hoop on my way home from work.  And, somehow, I ended up with a BLUE hula hoop:)

Then, I plugged in my ears and headed down the streets singing "I Make My Own Sunshine", packing my hula hoop and smiling.

Its easy to make a rainbow too with some lively colorful fun and you know what you'll find at the end of the rainbow!  Let the yellow spill all over your blue and splash onto you!

It was a fabulous 15 minutes of lightly singing, stepping to the rhythm and walking with my blue hula hoop.

Find something good to do each day and "Make Your Own Sunshine".

My dark days make these sunshine days so much more bright.

I will Make My Own Sunshine.

Grieving without Fear

This afternoon I knew I would write tonight.

Grief is different for all people.  No finger print is alike and no grief is alike.  Seriously.  Each must "do" grief so as to find their own way thru the valley of the shadow of death.

No, one does not get over a death of a piece of your flesh.  Yet, somehow, the minutes, the hours, the days, the weeks, get a bit easier.  I've been muddling through why this is true.

First, I believe, once a grieving mind can find periods of clarity of consciousness, any decision to focus toward health or toward negativity rapidly begins to influence the health and survival of the grieving.

Today, I had happy moments, sunshine moments, great moments of physical exercise, success at work, and then,  at the end of the day....I cried.  Simply because I ache to know that my beautiful daughter is no where on this earth shining and smiling.  The cup of emptiness was set before me and I drank from it.  

After a while, I dried my face, still empty but able to find a way to pause and find strength to move past the pain of the empty.  

I believe that what I am now understanding and experiencing as I have days with more sunshine....is the fact that grief is not as scary.  As time passes, a little bit of light begins to shine thru the shadows.  It causes the pain and grief to be illuminated so one knows more how to deal with it and survive the times in which one must stop and grieve.  And the memories and sensations surrounding the passed loved one begin to be more easy to face without as much fear of losing them.  

I am healing and I am grieving.  And I am moving toward living a positivity filled life filled with as many smile as I can muster in honor of my "Blue Sky Daughter, Megan Brooke".

Love you, girl.  Sing and show those angels up:)  Smile, dance, and laugh your way thru sunshine field and gold streets.