I Have a God...Still....after 25 years
This song was written in the summer of 1988. Rev. Rex Johnson had visited The Pentecostal Church of DeQuincy and preached a sermon by this title. I was inspired and wrote the lyrics quickly late one night soon after. They came with no struggle or forethought. The melody was just as instantaneous. The inspiration which they gave to me and all those who heard is still a marvel to me. I am still grateful that I was able to be the pen and voice to birth the song.
I'd like to say thank you to my Pastor G. David Hennigan who encouraged and motivated me to write and use my songs. And, to my father, Mac Lyle, who also encouraged and got us moving along to record. The band members were gifted to follow the style and musical direction of the melody and lyrics. Jeff Hennigan, Terrell Hollingsworth, Derrell Dykes, and Brent Cole. #RIPBrentCole The best player. Period.
Many who knew it still ask for me to share it. I've uploaded it https://youtu.be/M4In6RhsTVo
Here are the lyrics
I have a God
v 1
When he went back to prepare for us a place
He sent the comforter to fill up all that empty space
Down in the soul of man and give him living water too
He'll be the light in the darkness shining down on you
I have a God
ch
I have a God that with His angels watches over me
I have a God who puts my enemies beneath my feet
I have a God for when I'm sick or when I'm feeling well
I have a God I have a God and my God can not fail
I have a God
v 2
So, if you're down or if you're low or if you are in need
If you'll look up and past your troubles, you will clear see
My heavenly Father with His angels looking down on you
I have a God I have a God and he will see you through
I have a God
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Sunday, October 18, 2015
across the gurney in the ER with her hands grasping fragments of her broken heart as shattered shards of glass all across the room.
glass bowl full
virus, throwing up constantly.....then less....but nauseated and must find a way to let it go
Packing a 10 pound bag of rocks for the remainder of my days....shifting it constantly....so I don't ever over tax one particular part of my body
glass bowl full
virus, throwing up constantly.....then less....but nauseated and must find a way to let it go
Packing a 10 pound bag of rocks for the remainder of my days....shifting it constantly....so I don't ever over tax one particular part of my body
Tonight, I look back at my path since the day that Megan passed through that boundary of darkness into bright light. There are other significant days in my life. Many more. But, each of those is hard to see because I moved to a different path on that day.
I've so many word pictures, examples, and analogies to help someone have a wee bit of insight into the grieving parent's heart. Putting those into print would be of aid to some other poor soul so perhaps one day soon I will do that.
For now, let me be grateful for the moments of sanity which I've been granted in my days. I could not imagine my ever having the strength to grasp sanity. That is fair. I don't think I did grasp it. I believe my Father grasped it. He grasps me firmly by the hand. He carries me. He holds me. He is my sanity. Thank you, Father.
As I write this, my eyes want to close and my head to bow. I'd rather sleep than face this. My brain still reminds me of a gum ball machine's globe filled with big gum balls. And someone comes through and drops in gravel. Then, sand. And, finally, water. There is no room left for cognition of pain and survival. But, I have to try. And, I need to let the extra junk in my brain fall away as time will allow.
I've so many word pictures, examples, and analogies to help someone have a wee bit of insight into the grieving parent's heart. Putting those into print would be of aid to some other poor soul so perhaps one day soon I will do that.
For now, let me be grateful for the moments of sanity which I've been granted in my days. I could not imagine my ever having the strength to grasp sanity. That is fair. I don't think I did grasp it. I believe my Father grasped it. He grasps me firmly by the hand. He carries me. He holds me. He is my sanity. Thank you, Father.
As I write this, my eyes want to close and my head to bow. I'd rather sleep than face this. My brain still reminds me of a gum ball machine's globe filled with big gum balls. And someone comes through and drops in gravel. Then, sand. And, finally, water. There is no room left for cognition of pain and survival. But, I have to try. And, I need to let the extra junk in my brain fall away as time will allow.
Heaven tones....
God gave me songs for a season in my life...They blessed others. And I still hear that people listen to them.
I believe that the ultimate reason was for me to comfort myself. I need to sing I have a God and Jesus is Still My Shepherd. Hold Me.
My song has been quiet for the past years of pain. If He wills, I'm open to write the words. And, it will be Him because my brain can't open to think of any. It will be heart music. And, I believe some heaven tones....
I believe that the ultimate reason was for me to comfort myself. I need to sing I have a God and Jesus is Still My Shepherd. Hold Me.
My song has been quiet for the past years of pain. If He wills, I'm open to write the words. And, it will be Him because my brain can't open to think of any. It will be heart music. And, I believe some heaven tones....
Saturday, March 21, 2015
I had a talk with myself this morning. I have had trauma to my soul and heart which directly affects my brain capacity to handle stress and anxiety.
I will not stay under tho. Due to....I've made it this far so I've proven I will survive; God has my back; God has precious friends in my life; God has my wonderful Pastor in my life; God has my Son, D-L, and Brooks in my life.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Escaped
Escape to Hawaii was wonderful except for the most profound of things....my family and friends were removed by an extreme distance.
It ended when I came back 2 years ago as of this weekend. When I left Hawaii, torn can't describe it. I was fearful that I'd get consumed with the American Dream and lose the need to live in the moment. And, I knew that being far from the beach and the surf would take a toll on my serenity. Being no longer the same, I wasn't sure who I'd arrive back on the mainland and find as me.
At the same time, the opportunity to love my kids and my soon-to-be-born grand compelled me forward.
In thinking back, I was two years post Megan's passing, and I was still a toddler on the crazy new road. I can not remember landing back in Texas at the airport. I have no clue who picked me up.
Yet I did go somewhere. And, I recall where I stayed for several days. Then, I remember another stay. I'm just not certain in what order those stays were.
I didn't have a car and remember borrowing one. At some time in what I recall as my second week back, I realized that I had to buy a car because it was the way of adults in Texas. I finally bought one and did that with no job to my name.
I miss my respite spot at my favorite beach and the sound and motion of the surf immensely. I struggle to fit into the conformity of a world in which norms are dictated by status in career, cars, and houses. Where long work hours are acceptable and moments of living free get cut too short.
But, the love and joy from being near my son, daughter in love, and my grand grandson sustain me when I miss my escape. There is no substitute for either. But, I can live without one of them and not without the other.
I believe that transparency makes for healing for me and hope for others who feel they struggle alone. The writing that I do may not make sense to you but it will give sanity to someone. So, please share with hurting people.
It ended when I came back 2 years ago as of this weekend. When I left Hawaii, torn can't describe it. I was fearful that I'd get consumed with the American Dream and lose the need to live in the moment. And, I knew that being far from the beach and the surf would take a toll on my serenity. Being no longer the same, I wasn't sure who I'd arrive back on the mainland and find as me.
At the same time, the opportunity to love my kids and my soon-to-be-born grand compelled me forward.
In thinking back, I was two years post Megan's passing, and I was still a toddler on the crazy new road. I can not remember landing back in Texas at the airport. I have no clue who picked me up.
Yet I did go somewhere. And, I recall where I stayed for several days. Then, I remember another stay. I'm just not certain in what order those stays were.
I didn't have a car and remember borrowing one. At some time in what I recall as my second week back, I realized that I had to buy a car because it was the way of adults in Texas. I finally bought one and did that with no job to my name.
I miss my respite spot at my favorite beach and the sound and motion of the surf immensely. I struggle to fit into the conformity of a world in which norms are dictated by status in career, cars, and houses. Where long work hours are acceptable and moments of living free get cut too short.
But, the love and joy from being near my son, daughter in love, and my grand grandson sustain me when I miss my escape. There is no substitute for either. But, I can live without one of them and not without the other.
I believe that transparency makes for healing for me and hope for others who feel they struggle alone. The writing that I do may not make sense to you but it will give sanity to someone. So, please share with hurting people.
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